Personal Problems

I've gained a tendency in the past few months to roam the streets late at night. I think I find something soothing in seeing an area normally teeming with people struck silent, darkness and silence enveloping everything, leaving my normal busy suburbia a desolate wasteland, wreathed in fog. It's good for thinking, and often leads to some of my more pensive moments. But tonight.. there was something strange about tonight. The usual light fog was remarkably thick, leaving it impossible to see more than a few dozen yards away. Occasionally I would get the sharp scent of burning wood, probably from winter fireplaces. It gave the whole trip an ethereal feel, and for once I actually turned of my headphones, and basked in it.

Blinking back the tears brought on by the smokey fog, I found myself considering my arrogance. I have a tendency to think I'm smarter or wiser than my peers. But, being 18, I can't excuse the possibility that I'm just another kid who thinks he knows everything. I'm always trying to push myself to think more, and farther than I have previously, but I never see anyone my age doing such a thing. I don't know if my impression that thinking is a pox to be avoided is correct, or perhaps everyone else just keeps such things to themselves. There would be no way to know.

For example: The question "Who am I?" is one I throw around a lot. I consider it, I mull it, and, in the 2 years I've spent trying to broaden my mind, it's one of the many questions I've never been able to answer. I guess some things can never be answered. It'd be nice if someone could organize a little list for me, so I can know what stuff to take it easy on. Of course, I'd probably not believe them, and keep trying to figure it out anyway.